When I was on my mission, this picture was always near by. I knew that any trial in my life was minimal in comparison, but it still allowed me to feel like the things I went through were acknowledged by the Lord. It helped me in so many ways. Well, again 12 years later, I go to this picture and it has been able to give me the comfort.
Yesterday, I had one of those days that tested my faith and wondered if I would be able to live through it. On Saturday, I found out I was pregnant. We were trying since June and the news was good, but at the same time very overwhelming. Work has been scarce for both Sean and I, and money was tighter than it has ever been. I knew that I wanted this child, but I was scared on the kind of life I would be able to provide it. My feelings were very conflicted. Well, fast forward to Tuesday. I was doing some errands and as I went home, I realized that I was spotting. I know there are many women who go through this so I wasn't totally shocked to see it. But, as the day drew on, I knew that this was the end of my pregnancy. I had to work my clients through it all and have a smiling face. It was something I thought I would never have to go through. But here I was. I had a miscarriage. A trial I can finally empathize with so many others. It was surreal.
Well, that same day, my husband came home and told me after work that he had news. Bad News. I thought what I just had gone through was the bad news and how could he have more. He told me that he got laid off at work. My world came crashing down around me. How can this really be happening. A miscarriage and unemployed! I obviously cried out in agony and my husband calmly held me.
This trial has been going on for so long. With the economy, I feel like it really hit both of us. But, this was something I really didn't think was going to happen. The trials are real and more than one person should have to bear for one day. But through this all, I am doing ok a day later. As I see the love of my friends and family that have shown compassion for me and my family, I can't help but feel blessed for what I have. I am in awe inspired by my husband. He has risen to the occasion in which I have never witnessed in our whole marriage. His new calling has made him so insightful and in tune with the spirit.
I know the Lord is in charge. I know he knows me by name. I know when I cry out to him in my darkest hour, he hears me. He sees the whole picture when I can't. I am sometimes scared that I will suffer for the rest of my life in this trial, but I know that Joseph Smith also felt this same way. He asked how long will his hand be stayed. But the Lord's response is what speaks such comfort to so many. "Your trials will be for a small moment. It will be for our experience." I know that I am being humbled and with it all crashing down, I am being lifted in my darkest hour. I may not know the end result, but I know the Lord. I know that he loves me so much. He wants to bless me. He wants to see me succeed. I have to be faithful in all trials. How I am going to do it is a mystery, but I know if I lean on him in prayer, I can succeed.
9 comments:
Love ya girly! Remember I'm here for you in ANY WAY, SHAPE or FORM. Hugs again from me.
I am totally here for you too. If you need ANYTHING please don't hesitate.
Our prayers are with you. Love you.
Ahhhhh, sista. These things seem like the worst. Because they are. But then you make it to the other side, look back and know you could have handled it x2 as long as you listen to HF.
Your testimony is so strong. I'll try to think of something awesome to do for you. It could take a while... thinking.
I hadn't been on the computer yet today and at Kids Club this morning Joylyn briefly told me what had happened, so I bought you some Sees while I was at the mall. ;) I know it can't fix anything, but I also know you love your Sees chocolate. I'm sorry love...really truly sorry. Let me know when you are up for a visitor (or 3) and I'll be a listening ear.
I am so sorry Kim. That is so awful! I can't imagine having all that in one day. I have done the miscarriage-well the no heart beat at 16 weeks thing--but not unemployment and certainly not both in the same day! So sorry. Love your testimony and you will be blessed even though you may not see how. Love you!
I am not worried for the two of you a bit. I have faith that Heavenly Father will provide for you... your faith is there and despite the trials you know of His love for you. That is awesome. I do sorrow for your suffering thinking about it all though... have lost some sleep and shed a few tears in your behalf. Despite that though; feel peace. Callie came the night we were crying with a picture. She handed it to me. It had a little house with a person outside it. I said, "what is that?" A house? She shook her head "no". Then she said, "don't worry... uncle Sean will find a job at a store... this is the store. And this is Uncle Sean." By the mouth of babes... :) Priceless.
kimmy coco you make me cry and beam all at the same time. You are truly amazing and I'm so glad your my sister. I can't believe the down pour of trails but then I remember long ago at one family dinner when we still lived there and you gave the lesson on how our Heavenly Father made our trails to fit us perfectly - like a tailored made suit. I have thought about that lesson so many times in my life - you have no idea. And then just that picture and scripture alone brings all of the trails I have been through and still am going through. I can remember crying my eyes out to the stake president a little while back and those where his words to me. How true and comforting they were then and still are now and I'm so glad you have that light. I can't help but still mourn for you. I just love you so much and hate to have my loved ones suffer. You and Sean are solid rock, your love, your faith and your family are some how going to come out even stronger than rock. I love you. You will be in my thoughts and prayer. Wish I could come hug you all. I just love you sooooo much and I'm crying all over again about how much I love you. xoxo
After talking to you so briefly this week (the day after) I had no idea about the miscarriage, but I felt that you needed your name in the temple and put it there. There are many people praying for you right now--both in the temple and in their personal prayers. Let us know if we can help.
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