When I was on my mission, this picture was always near by. I knew that any trial in my life was minimal in comparison, but it still allowed me to feel like the things I went through were acknowledged by the Lord. It helped me in so many ways. Well, again 12 years later, I go to this picture and it has been able to give me the comfort.
Yesterday, I had one of those days that tested my faith and wondered if I would be able to live through it. On Saturday, I found out I was pregnant. We were trying since June and the news was good, but at the same time very overwhelming. Work has been scarce for both Sean and I, and money was tighter than it has ever been. I knew that I wanted this child, but I was scared on the kind of life I would be able to provide it. My feelings were very conflicted. Well, fast forward to Tuesday. I was doing some errands and as I went home, I realized that I was spotting. I know there are many women who go through this so I wasn't totally shocked to see it. But, as the day drew on, I knew that this was the end of my pregnancy. I had to work my clients through it all and have a smiling face. It was something I thought I would never have to go through. But here I was. I had a miscarriage. A trial I can finally empathize with so many others. It was surreal.
Well, that same day, my husband came home and told me after work that he had news. Bad News. I thought what I just had gone through was the bad news and how could he have more. He told me that he got laid off at work. My world came crashing down around me. How can this really be happening. A miscarriage and unemployed! I obviously cried out in agony and my husband calmly held me.
This trial has been going on for so long. With the economy, I feel like it really hit both of us. But, this was something I really didn't think was going to happen. The trials are real and more than one person should have to bear for one day. But through this all, I am doing ok a day later. As I see the love of my friends and family that have shown compassion for me and my family, I can't help but feel blessed for what I have. I am in awe inspired by my husband. He has risen to the occasion in which I have never witnessed in our whole marriage. His new calling has made him so insightful and in tune with the spirit.
I know the Lord is in charge. I know he knows me by name. I know when I cry out to him in my darkest hour, he hears me. He sees the whole picture when I can't. I am sometimes scared that I will suffer for the rest of my life in this trial, but I know that Joseph Smith also felt this same way. He asked how long will his hand be stayed. But the Lord's response is what speaks such comfort to so many. "Your trials will be for a small moment. It will be for our experience." I know that I am being humbled and with it all crashing down, I am being lifted in my darkest hour. I may not know the end result, but I know the Lord. I know that he loves me so much. He wants to bless me. He wants to see me succeed. I have to be faithful in all trials. How I am going to do it is a mystery, but I know if I lean on him in prayer, I can succeed.
