Ain't no mountain high enough...

A couple of weeks ago, we had the opportunity to hike Horsetail Falls. I have been on a hiking binge since Half Dome, so I was excited to hit the trail again. I just had no idea that I would be facing death by Rock Climb! So much more intense than I thought it would be!! So much fun though!!

Look at that VIEW!! I can't believe that this scenery is an hour and a half away from where we live



Climb!!




My hiking buddy and I tearing up the trail!! Loved having this time together. There were days early in our marriage that I know Sean thought this day would never happen when I would be the one heading the trail!

Dave and Lori! The all time best hiking buddies EVER!!


My New Hiking Crew!! Lori, Dawna, Barbara, and Dave.

Barbara showing off the Falls!

Sean's awesome photo editing!! Dave jumping off the cliff!

Didn't prepare for this kind of climbing! What an adventure!

Change

Julianna out of the blue today said, " Why do things have to change??" I was confused and asked her what she meant. She then went on to say that we have no baby anymore and daddy is home. Why do things have to change. I didn't really know what to say in response to that. All I could really say that I don't know why things change, but that there is a reason for everything and we just have to deal with the changes when they come.
I have been told by a few people that writing things down during this time is really important, so that you can go back and see how these times even though they are hard, you can see the blessings that do come to you through others. I have made it a goal to do that and even though I know a select few read my blog, I am doing it more for my benefit because one day I will make my blog into a book. These will be my thoughts although personal but necessary. I never want to forget what these days will mean to me or my children later on.
I am so thankful for my friends and family. You never know how much you are loved until something happens. I feel the love of my Savior through the people in my life. The other night, my RS president wrote on my FB wall before she knew anything and told me that she was thinking about me and was thinking I must be going through some things and that she felt impressed to tell me of the love of the Savior for me. That to me is amazing. First, that she had no idea what I was going through and how close to the spirit she is. It is such a testimony to me when things happen like that. I feel the prayers of all my loved ones as I am extremely calm during such an unsure time. As many know me, I am not a calm person. It is almost unreal how today I didn't have one sad thought.
I am loving having Sean home. When I told the kids that Daddy does not have a job right now, the first thing that Elijah said was, "SWEET! Now he can play with me!!" Through my tears, I had to smile and think about his unemployment in their eyes. Daddy has time to play! I made a decision right then and there to make the most of his time at home. I am going to play with my hubby. Go on bike rides, go to the store and so much more. I am going to use every moment to the fullest and realize that this time is going to be precious. He has been quite the busy bee since he has been home. He cleaned out the garage, sold our elliptical machine on Craigslist, and manicured the front yard . No bon bons and soap oprahs for him. He just goes right to work. Did I mention I love having him at home!!

Oh God, Where are thou?

When I was on my mission, this picture was always near by. I knew that any trial in my life was minimal in comparison, but it still allowed me to feel like the things I went through were acknowledged by the Lord. It helped me in so many ways. Well, again 12 years later, I go to this picture and it has been able to give me the comfort.
Yesterday, I had one of those days that tested my faith and wondered if I would be able to live through it. On Saturday, I found out I was pregnant. We were trying since June and the news was good, but at the same time very overwhelming. Work has been scarce for both Sean and I, and money was tighter than it has ever been. I knew that I wanted this child, but I was scared on the kind of life I would be able to provide it. My feelings were very conflicted. Well, fast forward to Tuesday. I was doing some errands and as I went home, I realized that I was spotting. I know there are many women who go through this so I wasn't totally shocked to see it. But, as the day drew on, I knew that this was the end of my pregnancy. I had to work my clients through it all and have a smiling face. It was something I thought I would never have to go through. But here I was. I had a miscarriage. A trial I can finally empathize with so many others. It was surreal.
Well, that same day, my husband came home and told me after work that he had news. Bad News. I thought what I just had gone through was the bad news and how could he have more. He told me that he got laid off at work. My world came crashing down around me. How can this really be happening. A miscarriage and unemployed! I obviously cried out in agony and my husband calmly held me.
This trial has been going on for so long. With the economy, I feel like it really hit both of us. But, this was something I really didn't think was going to happen. The trials are real and more than one person should have to bear for one day. But through this all, I am doing ok a day later. As I see the love of my friends and family that have shown compassion for me and my family, I can't help but feel blessed for what I have. I am in awe inspired by my husband. He has risen to the occasion in which I have never witnessed in our whole marriage. His new calling has made him so insightful and in tune with the spirit.
I know the Lord is in charge. I know he knows me by name. I know when I cry out to him in my darkest hour, he hears me. He sees the whole picture when I can't. I am sometimes scared that I will suffer for the rest of my life in this trial, but I know that Joseph Smith also felt this same way. He asked how long will his hand be stayed. But the Lord's response is what speaks such comfort to so many. "Your trials will be for a small moment. It will be for our experience." I know that I am being humbled and with it all crashing down, I am being lifted in my darkest hour. I may not know the end result, but I know the Lord. I know that he loves me so much. He wants to bless me. He wants to see me succeed. I have to be faithful in all trials. How I am going to do it is a mystery, but I know if I lean on him in prayer, I can succeed.

This Face!

Life is hard. Sometimes so hard you wonder if you are ever going to see the light at the end of that dark tunnel. You wake up everyday wondering how you are going to get through it, then you look next to you and see that face. The face that smiles at you and tells you about the wierd dream they had last night. The face that kisses your tears away and holds you until you fall asleep. The face that makes you laugh and helps you forget your worries even for one brief moment. That face is my sweet Sean. He has become in the last nine years my anchor. I am so grateful for who he is and what he has been for me in my life as his wife. He is the father of my sweet children. He is my massage and psycho therapist. I am so in love with this face! With each struggle that we face (which we have many) we draw closer. I know that he was meant for me and fits me in every way. I am grateful for this face that I get to have by my side for time and eternity!

I kicked it on Half Dome!

What an AMAZING weekend I was able to have! I HIKED TO HALF DOME AND WAS THE FIRST ONE ON TOP OUT OF MY SEVEN HIKING BUDDIES! It was the most challenging but rewarding thing I have done(besides having a marriage and 3 children). I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to do this with the people that I did it with. I met 7 amazing new friends that I hope to always have in my life after this weekend.


The courageous crew!
Kristina, Dawna, Ari, Barbara, Dave, Sophie, and Lori
Forever Friends!



About to head up the Mistrail! Feeling good and ready to climb!



3/4 done and haven't hit my wall yet!! Look at that view!!

This was a little scary but I tried not to think about what I was about to do! If I did, I might have turned around!



Right before this picture was taken, I had experienced a mini panic attack. It was so daunting to me. I made it all the way to this point and was not sure if I could do the cables. I said a prayer in my heart and forged ahead. It was really scary to climb these things, but was grateful to Jillian Micheals for preparing my arms for the hardest upper body workout! This picture does not do the cables justice, but it gives you an idea what I had to climb! INTENSE is all I have to say!


WE MADE IT! 4 1/2 HOURS! Still alive which to me was the true miracle!! Now I just have to get my guts together for the hike down!


Can you see me? I am the one sitting down because there was no way that I could have gotten any closer than this! What a great shot. I had no idea that it would look this cool!


The sweetest girls! Sophie and Lori. I love these girls!

The whole group reunited!


We were so lucky to be able to witness the renewal of vowes for Dave and Barbara! We found this make shift alter which was perfect for the occasion! Sweet moments shared!




Tired and exhilarated from our day! Half Dome was right behind us! We were there only hours before!! YEAHHHHH! We did it!

Half Dome, here I come!

I have been married to Sean for nine years and every year his family would go camping in Yosemite. We always hiked with his family and in the beginning I hated it. I couldn't understand that people do this for fun! But, nine splendid years later, I am finally ready to head up to the beast of Half Dome which is a 17 mile hike all up hill and with cables! Sean has gone and loved it, so I am going to go with a couple of ladies I met a couple of years ago in Park City. I am not really nervous. I feel like I will be able to do it, but that whole cable thing, I feel a little sick about. I just hope I am alive to tell the tale! Can't wait to spend the day in nature and hopefully get some much needed pondering and alone time. Solitude is what I seek! Solitude with a lot of steps! What do they say?? The joy is in the journey! Here's hoping!!

Half Dome is a granite dome in Yosemite National Park, located in northeastern Mariposa County, California, at the eastern end of Yosemite Valley — possibly Yosemite's most familiar rock formation. The granite crest rises more than 4,737 ft (1,444 m) above the valley floor.

Oh School, Where art Thou??

So, school has not started and I am going a little crazy. Don't get me wrong. There is something magical about not having any pressures of school for another couple of weeks and sitting around in your pj's ALL day. But, I am feeling the need for some routine. Sean thinks that I am going to be hating myself when school does come around and I will be wishing for this idle time. Isn't that always the way. The grass being greener and all. I think I am always a victim to this way of thinking.
I have tried to keep myself productive though during this time. I have made a goal to organize one area of my home everyday. It is something that I have never really had time for, but now that I do, I have no excuses. I have so far done a few cupboards in my kitchen and the kids room is clutter free. I have really been stressing to them about a cleaner home brings the spirit. My heart almost burst when I was reading on the coach when I overheard Elijah telling Jules that he had to clean up his blocks before he played with her. That is always the most gratifying when you finally see something sink in!
Julianna has been on her game lately. Listening has never been a strong attribute,but she is finally seeing that listening gets her much more than being in trouble all the time. We have been getting along famously and I am enjoying the girl she is growing up to be. Both of my older two play so well together that it has left me thinking that having them closer together is such a blessing. They are the best of friends and always are building each other up! As I see them together, I do feel a little guilty about Lyla not having that bosom buddy.
So, I have decided through much thought and prayer that Sean and I are going to have another baby. It has been so hard to know if this is something I can do again. I told myself after Lyla that I would never want to be pregnant again, but I had such an amazing experience at the Temple as I sought the Lord for an answer whether my family was complete. After that experience, the trials started coming and I wondered if I could do this. It is so hard to have faith when you know and decide something but all the worldly pressures of money and expectations fall on your shoulders. It has been a really tough experience and I still don't feel like the trial of my faith is over, but I know one thing is that Heavenly Father knows who I am and he knows what I have experienced. I can't deny it nor would I want to. I just have to keep close so that my eternal perspective far outweighs my earthy trials.
I love being a mom and I am learning more about myself in this time of my life than any other!