Sunday, August 15, 2010

Oh School, Where art Thou??

So, school has not started and I am going a little crazy. Don't get me wrong. There is something magical about not having any pressures of school for another couple of weeks and sitting around in your pj's ALL day. But, I am feeling the need for some routine. Sean thinks that I am going to be hating myself when school does come around and I will be wishing for this idle time. Isn't that always the way. The grass being greener and all. I think I am always a victim to this way of thinking.
I have tried to keep myself productive though during this time. I have made a goal to organize one area of my home everyday. It is something that I have never really had time for, but now that I do, I have no excuses. I have so far done a few cupboards in my kitchen and the kids room is clutter free. I have really been stressing to them about a cleaner home brings the spirit. My heart almost burst when I was reading on the coach when I overheard Elijah telling Jules that he had to clean up his blocks before he played with her. That is always the most gratifying when you finally see something sink in!
Julianna has been on her game lately. Listening has never been a strong attribute,but she is finally seeing that listening gets her much more than being in trouble all the time. We have been getting along famously and I am enjoying the girl she is growing up to be. Both of my older two play so well together that it has left me thinking that having them closer together is such a blessing. They are the best of friends and always are building each other up! As I see them together, I do feel a little guilty about Lyla not having that bosom buddy.
So, I have decided through much thought and prayer that Sean and I are going to have another baby. It has been so hard to know if this is something I can do again. I told myself after Lyla that I would never want to be pregnant again, but I had such an amazing experience at the Temple as I sought the Lord for an answer whether my family was complete. After that experience, the trials started coming and I wondered if I could do this. It is so hard to have faith when you know and decide something but all the worldly pressures of money and expectations fall on your shoulders. It has been a really tough experience and I still don't feel like the trial of my faith is over, but I know one thing is that Heavenly Father knows who I am and he knows what I have experienced. I can't deny it nor would I want to. I just have to keep close so that my eternal perspective far outweighs my earthy trials.
I love being a mom and I am learning more about myself in this time of my life than any other!

3 comments:

Kimberly said...

You are a great mom. I'm glad to hear the trials have not gotten the best of you! I'm here if you need to talk more...

kristin said...

Kim, you're one of the most patient people I know. I know you don't think that:) but that's what makes you so great! If you do decide for sure that you're having another, you'll just get that many more blessings to help you through, whether they be financial or mental. ( I say mental because it's very taxing on one's mental capacities to have children:) Don't let your worries stop you! You have such a positive outlook on life and that's really most of the battle.

Jannah said...

I agree with Kimberly and Kristin. You are so awesome. You are so BRAVE! I totally agree with that need and excitement for routine with school starting. I felt EXACTLY the same way last week and so I made the kids start school early. HA! Now, I am longing back for my pj's It's good though I guess for some schedule before its totally botched by baby #4. Oh well. :) Can't wait to see you guys in a little over a month. We have lots to catch up on!!